And Never Let Her Go
by Hihio
Summary: He was a hitman. Scratch that, he was an ex-hitman. It all just depended on who he would be using the gun on. But the day Grimmjow approached him with an assignment different from the rest, Renji was all in. Kill Byakuya Kuchiki. Renji always did hate that name.
1. A Match Into Water

_Background information: Renji is a hitman, wants to kill Byakuya, fun fun fun..._

_I'm just kidding. _

I~I~I~I~I

I hate this kind of cold. No, there is nothing distinct about it. Same old late January chill as yesterday, and the day before that too. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary really, but for some reason the cold feels so different when you have nowhere to go.

The wind bit and nipped every so often, receding back when it felt I'd endured enough. Never before had I so passionately regretted leaving my jacket at home. See, it was easy to pretend that the snow wasn't all that cold, even when it was probably twenty something below freezing—just ignore the slow, icy burn and grimace through it. Bluffing the weather, as Zaraki liked to call it. But where was the upside if no one was there to poke you in the shoulder, laughing at your own foolishness and unfortunate inability to check the weather before going outside? Only a friend could make such a bad situation better.

Loneliness could really magnify how bad a situation was. It made the air seem so threateningly crisp and raw that it stung every time a current brushed against my face. The town exhaled. Streets empty. Quiet. I bet this is how being the last person left on the planet would feel. An endless void. Hell, minus the flames.

Time and time again I have tried to ignore that feeling, but to simply do so is beyond the bounds of possibility. I have noticed that the state of lonesomeness has a tendency to allow old pain and regret slip back into new thoughts. That is why I never did like winter. Truth be told, fall wasn't one of my favorites either. I believe spring was the season I enjoyed most, solely because of the happiness that the mere mention of the word brought to mind. Spring meant prosperity and hope. Life and laughter, with the glow of sunshine always there to illuminate the dark.

Yeah, yeah, I know. The whole "everything is bright and happy" mentality is a bit too optimistic, unrealistically so. Life wasn't all rainbows and smiles and shit. Of course it's wasn't. Nothing ever was, if you excluded those kiddie shows like Sesame Street or whatever. But I'd rather have false expectations than the piercing memories that came coupled with my reminiscence of ice and snow.

"Bet your freezing your little ass off, redhead. It's snowing. Fucking put on a jacket, moron."

Deep voice. Rough, loud, and obnoxious, like the sound a motorcycle makes when it speeds down the interstate. He's the kind of guy who would drive one, too. If he actually could afford it.

"Oh, gimme a break. Stop acting like you give a damn."

He snorted, making it obvious that he didn't.

"Don't flatter yourself."

He popped his collar—like this was the 80's or something—and the hair that framed his face was wild and unruly. Curls styled forward, sides slicked up; not long enough to make a mohawk, but the notion was apparent. Like powdery blue flames. With his hands buried in his pockets and face contorted in an everlasting scowl, one in their right mind would find him intimidating. After all, the only thing soft about him were those baby blue's that shone prettily when he spoke. But that was where any sign of humanity in him ended. Grimmjow was a beast. He would chew you up and spit you out without a second thought.

The blinking traffic light above shone down on us, making his glossy black boots reflect mustard gold for short intervals. He stepped into the pool of yellow—the only light in an otherwise pitch black intersection.

_Proceed with caution._

"So what do you want?" Right about now, I'm regretting what I said about being alone. I'd rather be alone than standing in the middle of a dark street with this guy, of all people.

"Kenpachi has a task for you. Congrats, you get to go kill people."

I hate that grin of his. It makes me sick. This job is some kind of game to him. It's a joke. All the people that die, he doesn't give a shit. I bet he thinks its funny too. Even if all he is is Kenpachi Zaraki's messenger boy, he's a devil in his own right.

"No thanks," I said, though I knew it was not the answer he wanted. He'd persist, just like a fly that buzzed around until it got whatever it wanted.

Confirming my predictions, he howled in amusement. I hated his laugh too. Add that to the list. I hated everything about this man. Sure, he was attractive, but that's about as good as it got. I knew better than to judge by a picture frame instead of the picture inside.

His laughter ceased. "What? Don't tell me you've gone soft. Or is it just because now that _she's_ dead, you suddenly think killing people is wrong? Ha! You're pathetic."

I took a step closer to him. We were toe to toe, and I had him by a good two inches. "Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth."

He looked at me, acted like he was hurt, and backed up."Whoa, you on your period or something? Calm down. I haven't even told you the specifics yet. Don'cha wanna know who the unlucky guy is?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Too bad." He backed up a little more, just until his heels were up against the curb and beyond the yellow light's reach. All that I could make out of him were loose fitting pants, along with the shadowy veil draped upon him by the night sky. Dwelling in blackness, like always. The shrill sound of his leather boots scratching against the cement made me jump.

"Anyway, Byakuya is his name. He and Zaraki never really liked each other, especially since Byakuya is some high class scientist and owns a huge corperation, while Zaraki...well, he hires bastards like you to get rid of his competitors—"

"Wouldn't you be one of those bastards as well? Since I do know for a fact that he hired you to kill people too?"

He replied, unsmiling. "Wrong. See, you and me are differe—"

"_I, _Grimmjow_. _You and_ I."_

He scoffed, and those blue eyes became sharp.

"Yeah, whatever. Back to what I was saying. The two made a deal. If Byakuya paid a certain amount of money to him each month, Zaraki wouldn't sick any of his hitmen on him."

"So are they in an alliance?"

"They _were_. Up until last month, when the payments stopped. Long story short, the deal has expired. Which means it's killing time..."

So this is what Kenpachi Zaraki wanted me to do? Kill off one of his "business partners"? He might have been a ruthless madman, but there was no denying that the guy was clever.

"... and he likes the stars, or something dumb like that. Even studies the sun, right here in this damn city of everlasting rain. Is that ironic or what? Don't remember his last name though. I'm pretty sure it sounds like some nasty nickname for a vagina, but that's about it."

By then I could feel my eyes growing watery as the air became dryer and colder. White flakes began to fall faster now, accumulating on the sidewalks and streets and probably all over my clothes. As far as I was concerned, this conversation was over. I didn't want to be out here longer than I needed to.

As if reading my mind, Grimmjow locked a heavy hand onto my shoulder. "So? You going to do it, or what?

Wasn't he at the curb just a second ago? When did he get so close? I didn't notice that he had stepped back into the light until his freezing hand alarmed my skin. How could I have missed that?

_You going to do it or what?_ I decided to dodge the question instead.

"If we're done here," I lifted his icy hand with my own, "I'd rather not allow myself to get stuck in the middle of a winter storm with you."

"Aw. That's a shame. I coulda kept you real warm tonight, too. But seriously, I'm going to need an answer."

I didn't know if it was just me, or the glint of his canines in the flicker of the traffic light, but I had a feeling that Grimmjow was losing his patience. And you never wanted to be in the presence of an angry Grimmjow. He didn't turn green like Hulk or anything, but I still had no interest in witnessing him during one of his temper tantrums.

"Don't waste your time. I won't say yes."

"And what else is a punk like you _gonna_ say? _No?_ You're gonna say _no_ to the boss man's orders? Like hell, Renji. You know better than to screw with Kenpachi Zaraki."

I pivoted on my heels. Making a beeline to the sidewalk, I cursed myself for wasting so much time on him. Rangiku's flower shop wouldn't be closed for a good thirty minutes. If I took the back alleyway, I could probably make it in time...

That stupid voice again.

"You're makin' a big mistake, Renji. He won't like it."

The boss never did like me anyway.

"Think of all the money he'll give you."

I didn't need money. I had a job. Only difference was that selling flowers was legal.

"Byakuya...Byakuya Kuchiki! I know you know that name!"

And that's when I stopped. Byakuya Kuchiki. Kuchiki.

God, I hated that name. He was the man who let his sister die.

Rukia Kuchiki. Forever the girl who liked flowers. The girl who hated the rain. The girl who had a fake brother, that didn't give a fuck about her.

I didn't know much about him, but I knew I didn't want to either. Rukia always used to visited him on Sundays because those were the days when the bus fare was low. She never talked about him, which was odd because her determination towards gaining his approval didn't falter. Even if she didn't speak of him much, her admiration was prominent in those violet eyes of hers, like when his name popped up on her phone. And there were those sleek ivory gloves. White silk. Blue embroidery. Elbow length. Never did I see her without them. There was no questioning the affection she had towards her brother. I knew that better than anyone. And maybe that was why I hated him. I didn't care how many fancy scientist parties he got invited to, or how many expensive scarves he owned; when he let go of Rukia, he made the biggest mistake of his life. He had let go of the best thing he ever had.

Could it be that I was just envious? Envious of the man who had it all?

"I'll do it."

Envy or hatred, it didn't matter now. I was in, and there was no way I was backing out.


	2. Flowers For Her

_Thanks to the people who favorited, followed, and read. This story needs a little bit more work, I know. But I'm sticking with this one._

_ Italics equals flashback, but you guys probably would've been able to guess that. Hime means princess._

~I~I~I~I~I~

_The benches at the bus stop were white that morning. I remember because Rukia exclaimed this observation delightedly, her light voice resonating faintly through the air. It was one of those cold days when pale seemed to be nature's only palette; the sun, the clouds, and the sky ranged from light grays to muted blues. Nothing could be differentiated from anything. All that there was to see above was a nondescript mass of obscurity in all its drabness._

_Eventually, we realized that the white appearance of the wooden benches was created by a thin coat of snow. I brushed away a few flakes before she sat, copying that action myself shortly after. Looking out towards the intersection, all of 9th street could be seen, just up until it blurred into the horizon. I hadn't realized before, but the city looked so strange when no one was out and about. It was such a foreign sight to witness, with everything being so excessively idle, that I began to feel uneasy. There was a lack of cars, a lack of pedestrians, and a lack of traffic noises—the latter being most pleasant, but unfamiliar all the same. I assumed this absence of activity was the city's way of taking precautions in response to the inclement weather warning released the day before. Or maybe no one was around simply because it was Sunday; the day when most citizens slept in and lounged around in their pajamas all through the afternoon. _

___The only movement was us two; like animations on a canvas. _

_I would have never thought that serenity could be so strangely unbearable until today. It was quiet and overcast, which for the most part sounded like the beginning of a really corny horror movie. And the snow only made matters worse, since it strayed from the usual downpour. Times like these made my bad habit of under dressing all the more consequential; leaving the apartment with only a long sleeved tee and thin cargo pants didn't seem as such a smart idea right now as it had.  
_

_"Renji, aren't you freezing?" Her breath blew foggy puffs in the cold._

_"Not really." It was a lie, but that had always been a sorry habit of mine. And anyway, I didn't want her to worry about me. So...wouldn't that make lying okay?_

_Rukia, of course, saw right through this. Something in the back of my mind—instinct, maybe—told me that she would._

_"Come on now, Renji. Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's wrong to lie?" Her voice was mocking and comically parent like._

_"Fine. You caught me," I held up my hands in defeat, "but the thing is, it's technically your fault."_

_Half grinning, she looked at me, squinted, and shook her head._

_"Oh, really? How so?"_

_"Well, I woke up late this morning, so I guess grabbing a jacket totally slipped my mind. Plus, it takes a while to get from home to here, so you see why I had to rush. All in an effort to see you before you left, _Miss Rukia_."_

_She smiled, fully this time, and laughed a little. "Hm. Sounds like you. Though, that still doesn't explain why your forgetting to wear a jacket is my fault."_

Vrrrr_._

_Her phone vibrated where she had laid it on the bench. It was lit up, flashing some name with font too small for me to read. I paid it no mind. While she answered it, I found myself staring._

_Her black tresses waved, looking frail in the forceful wind. Compared to everything else, her hair was dark and glistening, like ink from a quill. It was one of those things that made a person wonder how hair could look so pleasant. Was it the enthralling contrast that it had with the fairness of her skin? Or was it how pleasant it looked when swept over the deep amethyst color that twinkled in her eyes?_

_"Alright, nii-sama. On my way. Bye." The sound of her phone clicking shut echoed in my ears._

_A sigh escaped my lips, though I didn't intend for her to hear it. This situation was inevitable. After all, she had told me she was leaving to visit him anyway, so I should have expected this. There was no surprise, no heartache, no anger. Just disappointment, if anything at all. Had I really believed that she would cancel her plans with him just to stay here and waste time with me? Of course not. I didn't have priority; I was just Renji. And he was her brother. Well, kind of._

_But the feeling remained the same. Deep down, I had fooled myself into thinking she would choose me over him, just once. Stupid. Was that the only reason I came to see her off in the first place? Because of some petty little hope?_

_The shrieking brakes of an upcoming bus wrecked my train of thought. It eased to a halt in front of us. For the first time in a long time, I actually wished a bus _hadn't_ showed up so quickly. Or, perhaps, the bus was perfectly on schedule, and it was _I_ who had lost track of time. That's what getting caught up in a ditzy little web of thoughts does, I guess._

_As her small body rose, my mind panicked and my sense of reason could no nothing to stop it._

_"Wait!"_

_The second it came out, I screwed my eyes shut, afraid to look her in the eyes. When I opened them, I found exactly what I had feared. She looked confused, as if there was something wrong with me. To be honest, I wouldn't have been surprised if there was. Either way, she was waiting for me to say something else, so I did._

_"Um...are you sure you have to leave _now_?"_

_"Yes. I promised Byakuya."_

_"But–"_

_The feeling of a gloved finger resting gently on the tip of my nose made me stop. I flinched at the odd gesture._

_"I'll be back tomorrow, and then after work we can play video games or eat a bunch of food or laugh at the haggard woman on 5th street who's always yelling at her suitcase. Okay?"_

_I looked up, cocking my head to the side. The charm and persuasion that came so naturally to her, how did she obtain such a powerful thing? Every time she struck me with her smile, a bundle of warmth surged in my chest. It intensified and diminished like a steady heartbeat._

_Finally, I said, "Sure." That's what my mouth said, at least. My mind just kept repeating the same words over and over again._

Why don't you ever stay?

_She smiled. The kind of smile that could take the place of the moon and brighten up the whole night sky._

_"Yeah. One day, I'll take you to meet Byakuya. You'd like him." Something inside me, albeit faint, genuinely doubted the possibility of that. But if had Rukia ever wanted me to meet that man, then it didn't matter if I ended up hating his guts or not. I'd try. For her._

_"Goodbye, Renji." Slowly, her finger dropped, like every single ice crystal that descended from the sky and adorned her hair._

_"Besides," she turned her gaze upward, "you'd better enjoy today while you can. This time tomorrow the snow will have turned back to rain."_

_Then she was gone, and I was alone again; left only with the soft sounds of her footsteps and the voices in my head, reminding me of every single thing I ever did wrong._

I~I~I~I~I

Rain hammered down on the sidewalk pavement. It was a heavy rain, with numerous droplets pelting down at once and worsening the chill dramatically. I hadn't even been outside a minute, yet my shirt was already soaked through. I shoved my arms through the sleeves of my sweatshirt and walked, preparing for the unpleasant travel ahead.

Maneuvering through the intersections was extremely difficult, especially when cars didn't follow the rules of the road. I mean, walking on two feet made me a pedestrian, damn it. I had the right of way. You'd think cars would at least have the common sense to slow down when a pedestrian is crossing the street, right? Wrong. Crossing the street on two legs was like a do-or-die situation in this town. As I ran through the merciless rain, memories of the night before invaded my mind. Sleeping was hard to fall into last night, so I suppose I never really stopped thinking about my encounter with Grimmjow.

By the time I reached Rangiku's shop, my breath was short and I was grateful that she had decided on installing the awning outside her door._ "Flowers for Her"_ was lit up in exaggerated cursive letters above, shining a brilliant yellow that faintly reminded me of a mustard container. Before I had time to catch my breath, I heard the gentle sound of clattering bells.

"You're late."

"Oh, yeah. About that."

Coming up with a good excuse was difficult, especially when put under the pressure of a pissed boss. The usually upbeat woman was red, eyes narrowed, and tapping her stiletto nails impatiently against the door frame. The other hand was on her hip; a dangerous sign that meant nothing but pure irritation. No doubt about it—I was a goner.

I suppose I should tell you that Rangiku Matsumoto was not normally one to be provoked so easily. She always garnished her lively hair with a rainbow of carnations, and made it a strict habit to wear floral shirts all year long. The way she presented herself on the outside greatly reflected her personality. That woman was a flaming ball of life wherever she went, which made her on-edge behavior today that much more uncharacteristic.

Rampant laughter from inside the shop drifted through the threshold, where Rangiku was posed in front of the door. She threw her head to the side.

"Oh, shut up, you two! Don't forget, I'm the one writing out your checks, which means I can cut your pay any time I want!" This was followed by quiet grumbling from inside.

"Those dummies," she sighed, "they're such a nuisance."

I grinned. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call them dumb. I mean, yeah, Hinamori is kinda ditzy sometimes, but we still put up with her, right? And sure Kira isn't very well versed when it comes to street smarts, but at least he's book smart."

Rangiku responded by raising a fine eyebrow, plucked with precision.

"What?" I asked.

"Get inside the damn store and work the cash register."

The morning went on smoothly enough, and despite Izuru accidentally stepping on the merchandise, our employer managed not to get too heated over anything trivial. Like, for example when Momo ran around the store using a rose as a wand. Although, the only reason she was able to get away with it was with my and Izuru's help (mostly mine, but that's beside the point).

"The coast is clear, Hinamori-hime. Feel free to spread the magic of flowers all across this forsaken kingdom," I announced jokingly when Rangiku had finally marched off into one of the back rooms.

The girl was dainty and small, with glowing brown eyes. In a way, she resembled Rukia closely. But where Rukia could have taken whatever was thrown at her, Momo was just as much vulnerable as she was innocent. Besides that, they both could probably fit in a FedEx box just as well.

A loud breaking sound—a vase, probably—came from the other side of the store.

"Ugh, won't you two come over and be useful instead of fooling around?" Izuru's calm voice floated from behind one of the isles. "I mean, Matsumoto is already stressed. Why? I have no idea, but I don't you think goofing off will make make it any better for her."

I moved beyond the counter and unlocked the cash register. "Oh, don't be such a goody two shoes. We all know know you wanna be the boss' favorite."

Izuru scoffed as pulled his wispy ash blond hair into a ponytail and paced over to the flowers on display and primped them with care. "Psh. Whatever."

"You know, I coulda swore you were the one getting scolded in here earlier."

"That was not me. Blame that on Momo."

I shook my head. "Sure. Blame it on someone else. I though you were better than that, Kira."

"Poor Izuru. He's just jealous because he wants to be a princess too. Don't worry Izuru, I can make you a flower crown too, if you want." Momo began approach Izuru, where he was turning a bright pink.

"I do not! Don't come any closer!"

The two tiny bells that hung from the main door jingled lightly against each other, and at that moment everyone froze. Heaving a large brown package with a number of ventilation holes, a young looking boy of small stature came inside. His silver hair was dripping with rain, and each step he took left small pools of water in his tracks.

"Dare I ask what is going on here?"

As he moved past the isles, his bored blue eyes fell on me, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of recognition in his gaze. Who the hell was this guy?

The door to the storage room bust open before anyone could speak, and in a speed never before seen, Rangiku was across the room and hugging the boy. The height difference between them was certainly unsettling, especially when the tall woman was huddled all over him, squeezing tightly like he was some kind of stuffed animal. She squealed with delight,.

"Toshiro! Did you come all this way just to see little old me? You're just the sweeeetest thing. Isn't he guys?"

The three of us mumbled in agreement halfheartedly. We were more concerned about how this guy could make Rangiku suddenly so happy with just his presence.

She raised a hand to run through the wild messiness of the youth's hair, but he swatted it away before she had to chance.

"Good morning, Matsumoto. No, I am not here to see you, or whatever you are implying. This arrangement is strictly business. When I come here, I come to deliver these flowers and go about my business. Is that clear?"

Ignoring his harsh and ironically mature attitude, Rangiku clapped her hands and lifted the box out of his grasp. "Finally, the spring bouquets are here! Momo, you arrange these," she shoved the box into Momo's fragile arms,"Renji, you pay this handsome young man for the delivery, and...Izuru, you clean up this water on the floor. I just had it waxed."

Momo and Izuru scurried off to do their jobs, while I waited for the Toshiro kid behind the counter. He approached me warily, though I didn't have the slightest clue as to why. When he was about two feet from the counter he paused. I eyed him strangely, just like he was eying me. "...So do you want the tip or not?"

He narrowed his icy teal eyes even more, and by this point I was totally confused. So, I opened the cash register to give him his money and get him away from me. Though, to my surprise, there was nothing inside.

"Rangiku!" I shouted, "There's no money in the register! How am I supposed to do stuff without the money?"

A loud bump came from one of the back rooms, and but I heard no words after that. "Fine," I grumbled as I dug for my wallet, "how much do you–"

It was at this moment, the one called Toshiro leaned over the counter, so abruptly and close to my face that I almost fell backwards. But that surprise was nothing compared to the hesitation of my heartbeat when he uttered, "Do you work for Kenpachi Zaraki?"

My eyes went wide. The first impulse was to lie and say no, but for some reason I felt like this kid was smarter than he was letting on. And if lying was out of the question, then what else was there to say?

"I don't know a single man by that name. Who is that?" I glanced down at my shoes, even though that probably made the lie even more obvious. Only guilty people look down. Guilty people can't look their accusers in the face. So, instead of waiting for an answer I whispered, "How did you know?"

Toshiro yanked the wallet from my hand and flipped it open, revealing all the money I had earned from working under Zaraki's command.

"Just as I suspected. No man who works at a florist shop is rich enough to carry around this kind of cash. Unless he's keeping something to himself. So tell me," he read my name tag, "Abarai, what is it that you are so desperate to keep to yourself?"

"I'm not keeping anyth—"

His voice got dangerously quiet, to the point where I was straining to hear every word and afraid for my life that I'd miss something.

"Quit lying. Just listen, okay? There are people here who care about you, people who don't deserve die. So I suggest you either distance yourself from them, or get out of the killing business, because all you're doing here is putting innocent lives in danger."

A streak of lightening flashed against the grey sky. Rainfall grew heavier as it beat loudly against the roof, and all I could do was hope that the electricity wouldn't go out. Moments later, a loud and fearful thunderclap vibrated through the shop.

"Oh no..." I heard Momo complain where she was sticking a lily in between two hydrangeas. Toshiro was staring into the window, blinking.

"And," I began, "what do you know about Kenpachi Zaraki, since you seem so familiar with the name."

He looked surprised at this question. If he was so innocent then he wouldn't have a problem with answering truthfully.

"I know nothing. Except for the fact that he terrorizes the business leaders of this town with death threats and assassins."

I titled my chin in defiance. "Sounds like a load of shit to me. You're in an alliance with him, aren't you? You pay him so that he doesn't come after you, right? That's how it works, when Zaraki's involved. You either die or you pay, but you never get off without giving something."

For a while he didn't say anything, which confirmed my suspicions. His lips parted, as if he might respond. He shut them abruptly when he heard the clatter of high heels approaching.

"What is going on in here?" Rangiku mused as she crossed her arms.

"Nothing, Matsumoto. Have a lovely day."

And then he leaned in close to me. "I don't care how you choose to live your life, and I won't tell you how to either, but you'd better keep your life in _here_," he gestured all around, "and your life out _there_," he pointed towards the streets, "separate. Don't get your friends caught up in your criminal affairs."

By the time I had realized what he meant, he had already gone out the door. Walking through the rain.


End file.
